A few years ago, when I was training to become a public speaker, I came up against a barrier. Whenever I did an exercise that required me (an introvert) to ‘go bigger’, I resisted. My worry was that people would think I was showing off.
It was only after receiving consistent feedback that I wasn’t being annoying or over the top that I accepted that what felt like showing off to me was having a positive impact on my audience.
At that time I was also a member of an entrepreneurial community run by a remarkable and inspiring man called Nick Williams.
He would often assert, in his calm and quiet way, that it might be helpful to examine the belief that I was showing off. If this belief stopped me from speaking out and having my voice heard, then I would be doing my audience a disservice.
He suggested that, whenever I thought I was showing off, I was actually showing up. That rang true for me and I’ve remembered it ever since.
I shared this on the pilot Storytelling for Self-Promotion programme that I ran last year with my Trailblazing Creatives partner Nicky Moran – and it was only recently that I realised that it had had an equally powerful impact on one of our participants.
Rebecca Weef Smith joined our Facebook group Trailblazer Tribe in August last year. She was seriously struggling with promoting her ideas and hated putting herself out there – but, like a true trailblazer, she jumped in anyway.
Since then all sorts of new paths have opened up for her – but every time she puts herself out there she has to remind herself that she is showing up, not showing off.
It is clearly a subject that resonates with creative people as it came up again during the webinar we hosted recently – How to Tell Stories that Sell Your Creative Work
The following question popped up in the chat box: “How do you find the balance between telling a story in public and ‘showing off’?”
We didn’t have time to give a complete answer, so I’ll do my best here.
I think it strikes at the heart of why so many creative people find it hard to promote themselves and their work. The fear of ‘showing off’ or seeming arrogant makes them stay small and quiet. Then they see other, possibly less talented people, being big and loud and start to feel resentful.
My best answer to this question is that you need to get out there and tell your story in order to find the balance.
As a trainer and co-host of a storytelling event (The Story Party), I’ve told many stories in front of an audience. At no point did I feel I was showing off. Why? Because the stories were all in service of the audience. They were about me, but they were also about what it means to be human, and therefore the audience could ‘find themselves’ in my stories.
Which brings me to another question that came up on the webinar.
“Where is the line between telling your story and telling people too much about your personal life? Is there a line? It seems a lot of well-known artists get to a point where they tell people nearly everything.”
My answer to this one is – you are the author. You are in control of the narrative. You only say what you want people to hear and know about you. There is no need to reveal intimate personal details about your life – unless you want to and it’s relevant to your audience or work. There is such a thing as over-sharing – and yes, some well-known artists have definitely done so. The point is that the line is where you want it to be – it ain’t nobody else’s decision.
In terms of our Trailblazer Tribe Archetypes, if you are a Provocateur, the line is going to be in a very different place than if you’re an Enigma. It depends on your personality, your style, and what you’re selling.
This is why we focus so much on your brand story – the story that brings together the bigger narrative around what you do and why you do it. The story you’re in control of.
Here’s an exercise we did with our webinar participants:
Step 1: What do you do?
Step 2: Why do you do what you do? (What motivates or inspires you?)
Step 3: Tell us a quirky back story – where have you come from and how has it led to you doing what you do now?
We were thrilled at the response. Several beautifully touching and succinct stories appeared in the chat box that answered at least two of these questions. Here are three examples:
“I’m an online life coach who loves helping perfectionists tap into their creative potential – because that was, and still is, me.”
“I love taking photos of really ordinary things that I feel nobody notices and try to show how beautiful they are.”
“I spent many days in Soweto and other South African townships playing music with African musicians on the cusp of the apartheid era and discovered the illusion of fear that was fed to me by the government-controlled media was far from the truth.”
These are glimpses into the personality and motivation of the people behind the stories – and I don’t think anyone would accuse them of ‘showing off’ or revealing too much personal information.
Storytelling is the quickest, easiest way to connect with people – and you can do it in a few sentences. Just remember, you’re not showing off, you’re showing up.
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