For the second in my series about what coaching can do for you (see the first one here), I’m going to expand on the subject of emotional needs. I’m posting this on Mothering Sunday, which I think is somehow appropriate.
No matter how we were parented, most of us grew up afraid of being labelled “needy”. But there is a difference between having needs and being needy. We are all born with physical and emotional needs that have evolved over millions of years and our mental health and optimal functioning are dependent on our ability to meet them in an ongoing and balanced way.
Our emotions drive us to take action to get these needs met and if we are unable to do so or use our innate resources incorrectly we risk suffering mental and physical ill health.
Needs are something that will tend to drive you until you understand them and direct them. According to research conducted by the Human Givens Institute, there are nine basic human emotional needs, as follows.
1. Security – including living and working in a safe environment, having a secure relationship etc.
2. Giving and receiving positive attention.
3. Connection with a wider community.
4. An intimate relationship with at least one other person – not just a partner, it could be a friend, teacher, mentor, therapist or coach.
5. Autonomy – having some degree of control over your life.
6. Status – feeling that we are recognised, validated and respected.
7. Competence – feeling competent and having a sense of accomplishment in what we do.
8. Privacy – knowing we can control the amount of contact we have with others.
9. Meaning and purpose – feeling your life holds some positive meaning, and that you have a purpose.
Failure to meet our needs results in emotional and psychological distress, whether or not we are conscious of it. If allowed to accumulate, this distress can lead to anxiety, depression and addiction.
The key is to identify which particular needs are not being met. In order to do this, complete the emotional needs questionnaire put together by the Human Givens Institute, which you will find at www.enaproject.org.
By completing this online survey you will be contributing to the Emotional Needs Audit, which is designed to find out how well innate emotional needs are being met in our society.
And that has to be a good use of your time on Mother’s Day!
Leave a Reply