Our brains are hardwired to tell stories. We make sense of our inner and outer worlds by coming up with a narrative. I’ve written here before about our storytelling brains, and how the bulk of our memories are fiction.
We all have our stories – from the gossipy small stories to the big, narrative arc of our life story. There’s nothing wrong with telling tales, as long as we remain aware that they are only stories.
The problem arises when we believe our stories to be the absolute cast-iron truth, or we use them to make ourselves right and others wrong.
I’ve witnessed this happening with two of my friends in the past couple of days. One developed a complex story about the rules of social etiquette and became incensed when she considered that another friend had broken these rules.
She put herself firmly on the moral high ground and would not budge. Her story was full of “musts” and “shoulds”, which are always an indication that we are in someone else’s business.
My other friend has been telling a story for some time about being the outsider, the one who is never accepted into the group. Without realising it, he brought this story from his past into the present and created a situation where he felt he was being rejected again.
If we buy into these stories our lives become self-fulfilling prophecies. The “I am always right” story will ultimately drive people away, as will “I am the outsider”.
It can be helpful to tell our stories to someone who is not directly involved – for example, a coach or impartial friend – but it’s important to then let them go. Our stories are not who we really are.
What story are you telling yourself at the moment? Have you heard this one before? Get it down on paper or talk it out. If it’s not working for you, then change the script.
Leave a Reply