In case I haven’t mentioned it before, I sing backing and lead vocals with a band called The Subtle Genes. Before the pandemic, we rehearsed together on a regular basis and played a few gigs in and around Bucks and Berks. All of the songs we’ve played are cover versions, ranging from The Cure’s Friday I’m In Love to the Stereophonics’ Dakota.
Lockdown put an end to all that, so we recently decided to come up with some original material. As I can’t play a musical instrument beyond amateur tambourine and maracas, I thought the guys would write a song and I’d sing it. Until they turned to me on Zoom and said, “You can write the lyrics and come up with the melody.”
My mouth literally dropped open. “I’m no Bernie Taupin,” I replied. “But I’ll give it a go.”
Rhythm guitarist Colin put together a backing track and sent everyone the arrangement of the song. Unfortunately, chord progressions mean nothing to me. As a singer, everything I do is by ear. Play a note and I can usually sing it, but I wouldn’t know if it was C, D or E.
I listened to the track over and over again, while staring at the arrangement. It might as well have been hieroglyphics. As I had none of the usual reference points, I didn’t know where to begin.
I started to experience a familiar feeling rising through my body – panic, sadness, overwhelm – while all my thoughts were telling me I couldn’t do this, what was I thinking, I’m not a songwriter, I’ve never done this before…
I was on the verge of texting the band to say sorry guys, I can’t do this – it’s not in my wheelhouse. I’m a writer of articles, not lyrics.
But another voice said no, keep going, push through and you’ll find a way. So I put the arrangement to one side, listened to the track again and figured out the rhythm of the words I’d need to write by singing “ba ba ba ba ba da”. As I did that, as if by magic, a melody emerged.
Now I had the beats, I felt so much calmer. But the lyrics… what the hell should I write about? They say write about what you know, so I wrote about what was literally right in front of me – a framed photograph of Betty Page (the 50s pin-up whose name I stole to use as my pseudonym in the 80s).
She’s wearing a leopardskin swimsuit, hanging off the branch of a tree, with a knife between her teeth (I can’t show you the photo due to copyright issues – but here she is lounging on a bed).
I imagined a story that started with this image of a powerful woman, but revealed what was going on underneath – that she was in pain and being taken advantage of. Which wasn’t far from the truth of her real-life story.
An hour later, I had written the whole song.
I looked at the words and couldn’t quite believe it. Where had this come from? I’m not a songwriter. But I’d just written lyrics for three verses and several choruses.
I recorded a rough version of the vocal and sent it to Colin with the lyrics. He came back straight away and told me the lyrics were fantastic. Then lead guitarist Mark said: “You’ve done this before, haven’t you? Bloody excellent.” No, I replied, I’ve never done this before – and I was really close to throwing in the towel because I thought I couldn’t do it.”
Remember me? My name is Resistance…
I’m telling you this story because it’s an important reminder that overcoming resistance is partly an act of will, and partly an act of surrender.
Once I had punched through the feeling of complete incompetence and fear of impending failure, I surrendered to the process, which flowed from that point onwards.
I am reminded again of my dear friend Nick Williams and his book Resisting Your Soul: 101 Powerful Tips to Free Your Inspiration. He believes resistance is an invisible force that stops you from achieving all you want in your life. So I picked up the book and opened it randomly on page 36, tip 21.
Recognise that there are times when your great intelligence can also be an impediment.
It talks about how our minds are brilliant at generating fears but can’t move beyond logic. What stood out to me was this sentence:
“Sometimes it takes a leap of faith to get things going. You don’t know what is going to emerge in your consciousness.”
That pretty much nails what I’ve just experienced.
What emerged in my consciousness? The lyrics and melody of a song. I had no idea they were there. Resistance was keeping me from them.
The song is called Cheesecake & Leopardskin, and you might hear it one day. You know, maybe I am the new Bernie Taupin…?
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