I have recently been writing a series of articles about loneliness. Not because I’m feeling lonely, but because I’ve been commissioned by a client and it’s an important topic that’s affecting a lot of people as the result of lockdown.
So loneliness is definitely on my radar at the moment – and often what’s on your radar keeps popping up on your radar.
I’m also doing a four-week course called The Right to Write with the legendary teacher, author, artist, poet, playwright, novelist and filmmaker Julia Cameron, which involves writing for half an hour every morning. She’s also setting us several assignments each week, and one of this week’s tasks is to write an encouraging letter to ourselves from our 80-year-old self.
Julia said that writing such a letter would be a “powerful antidote to loneliness”, so I was keen to find out if it had an effect.
As I sat down to write, I realised that my 80-year-old self is only 16 years away, which doesn’t feel like a lot of years at all, especially when I look back to 16 years ago, when I’d just finished writing a memoir about my time as a music journalist in the Eighties (still unpublished, folks).
Having recovered from the shock of that, I found that 80-year-old me was indeed supportive and reassuring. “By the time you get here, people will be saying ’80 is the new 60’, and you will laugh,” she wrote. “Actually, you’ll be laughing a lot in that mischievous way of yours. You’ll be much less afraid of what people think of you, so your humour and irreverence will be unleashed a new way! Honestly, you’re going to have so much fun.”
She continued: “Believe me when I tell you that everything you’re doing now is setting the scene for a glorious period in your life when you feel more fulfilled than you ever have before. I know that at 64 you’re looking back, knowing you’ve already had a pretty amazing adventure – but there’s still so much more to experience! I’m so excited for you. Please keep this letter somewhere safe and look at it every time you feel a bit low. Trust and believe, my dear… trust and believe.”
Wow – now I’m really looking forward to 2037! Crazy!
Alone vs lonely
OK, so you can dismiss this exercise as pure fantasy, but it really did shift my mindset from the usual “it’s all downhill from here” to the shining possibility that the best is yet to come. And why not? I’m aware of many surveys that find people become happier as they get older – as long as they are in good health. That’s why I’m pressing on with the strength training and boosting my immune system, to give myself the best chance of having a blast at 80.
I’d say this exercise is a pretty good prescription if you’re feeling lonely – and even if you’re not. As I live on my own, I need to make sure I have enough social contact (especially during lockdown), otherwise I do end up feeling isolated. But I’m comfortable with solitude, and that rarely tips over into loneliness. There’s a big difference between alone and lonely – and it’s important to recognise the difference.
What I’m thrilled about it is that my 80-year-old self has told me she’s surrounded by people she loves and who love her. I’m holding on to that vision! So what is your 80-year-old self bursting to tell you? She/he is just a letter away.
Thought provoking piece as always. BTW, I am sure you will look much more beautiful than the Instagram image. x
Thank you Rita – I certainly hope I’ll look prettier than this at 80!