Yesterday, Whitney Houston was laid to rest, her family just beginning to grieve as her fans tied helium balloons outside the church in Newark where she once sang in the choir.
Private grief versus public grief – two very different propositions. The public have “lost” someone they barely knew while family members are dealing with the profound sense of loss of a loved one.
It’s hard enough to deal with grief behind closed doors, so to be forced to deal with it under the gaze of the world’s media must intensify the pain and isolation.
Different cultures deal with grief in different ways. In the UK, we have gone from the protracted mourning periods of the Victorian era to virtually sweeping grief under the carpet. Most people don’t know how to deal with death beyond sending a sympathy card or flowers to a funeral. We certainly don’t know what to say to a bereaved person.
I know from my own experience that grief can be suppressed and seep out as background sadness or depression over a period of years. It’s vitally important to allow grief to arise in its own time, to honour the depth of feeling.
As a human potential coach I would hesitate to work with a client who was in the early stages of grief. I would probably refer them to a bereavement counsellor or direct them to the excellent Grief Recovery Handbook by John W James and Russell Friedman.
The exercises in this book are simple, clear, structured, easy to follow and very effective. I would recommend using them to process any kind of unresolved loss.
Meanwhile, my thoughts are with Whitney’s family, especially her teenage daughter. We always wish the departed will rest in peace. But those left behind need peace too.
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