For centuries we respected the wisdom of elders. We listened to their stories and learned from them. Sadly, in recent times, the cult of youth has dominated our culture to such an extent that the old are often ignored, hidden away, disrespected and marginalised.
That’s why I was heartened and inspired when I discovered the Legacy Project: Lessons for Living from the Wisest Americans, administered by Karl Pillemer, a professor at Cornell University. Since 2004, his team has gathered nearly 1,500 responses to the question: “What are the most important lessons you have learned over the course of your life?”
The answers he has amassed from people aged 70 and over range from how to be happy on a day-to-day basis, the secrets to a successful marriage, tips on raising children, ways to have a fulfilling career, strategies for dealing with illness and loss, and how to grow old fearlessly and well, and is now available in the book 30 Lessons for Living.
The website is a treasure trove of wisdom for future generations but I was particularly touched by what Prof Cornell has termed “elder mantras” – words or phrases that represent the core elements of elder wisdom.
Paul, 85, had a successful career as an architect and, after all his hectic years of work, he has found old age to be a time of serenity and clarity. When asked: “What have you learned during your life that you would like to pass on to a younger person?” he said: “I’ve learned how to swim. In life. I’m not a particularly good swimmer in water, but I’m a reasonable swimmer in the flow of living.”
What a wonderful image of going with the flow and letting life unfold. Then there’s the advice from 100-year-old nun Sister Clare about dealing with worry through acceptance by repeating the mantra “Let it be…”.
And there’s Flora, 80, who says: “Go about the business of the day, but walk on your tip-toes waiting for the ‘ah-ha!’ experiences. That happens when you’re doing the normal everyday things. That way, you’re always open to and watching for something different — watching for a feather from an angel’s wing.”
I now feel a sense of urgency about asking my 85-year-old mother Prof Cornell’s question. Because, after all my immature years of imagining that there was nothing she could tell me that I didn’t already know, I’m sure there is plenty of wisdom she can share from her perspective of looking back on a life that began in the 1920s.
If you have an ageing parent or grandparent, ask them the question now, because you never know when it will be too late. Add to the wisdom. Swim with life, let it be and watch for the feather from an angel’s wing.
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