During my many years of dysfunctional independence, my single friends and I would often try to go out for a meal on February 14, forgetting it was Valentine’s Day. When we eventually found a restaurant that didn’t have a mandatory “romantic” set menu at vastly inflated prices, we would huff and puff about all the miserable-looking couples who had been forced to sit opposite each other and make conversation because they felt they had to. It was particularly excruciating to watch couples who sat in silence, picking at their food.
We were probably just trying to make ourselves feel better about not having boyfriends, but I’ve rarely seen less romance than I have in Britain on Valentine’s Day. Come the rush hour, you always see shame-faced men dashing across station platforms with a ragged bunch of red roses in their hand, or an ill-advised box of chocolates.
Why does there have to be an officially condoned, consumer-oriented day when we have permission to show our partner how much we appreciate them? Surely showing love and affection should be part of a daily routine?
When I met my husband I was glad he felt the same way about Valentine’s Day. There will be no boxes of chocolates, overpriced roses or heart-shaped greetings cards for us. We annoy our friends by saying “every day is Valentine’s Day” for us but we are being serious – we celebrate our togetherness every day of the year.
Of course, Valentine’s Day can be a challenge for people who aren’t in a relationship and want to be. For the same reason that I used to avoid parks on sunny Sundays, single people have to take refuge at home or in groups to avoid smug couples on February 14.
There is nothing that is authentic about Valentine’s Day. Its origins are shrouded in mystery – and no one seems able to agree which St Valentine we’re honouring anyway.
Here’s what I propose as an alternative. Count your blessings every day of the year. If you are married or in a relationship, show your gratitude to your partner on a regular basis. If you’re single or looking for a date, concentrate on developing your relationship to your authentic self before you go out looking for “The One”. Connect to your own truth and you stand a much better chance of attracting a good relationship.
If you are celebrating Valentine’s Day, enjoy yourself. I won’t be joining you!
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