Letter-writing seems to be a dying art. We’ve all developed more instant ways of communicating – but they are all far less considered, less formal and less enduring. When it comes to making a statement, nothing can replace pen and paper.
This holds particularly true when you want to say something meaningful. A couple of months back I wrote a post about writing a letter to my future self. This is big stuff, and it requires proper consideration – meaning several drafts.
Then I found out about a book and a Tumblr blog called The Things You Would Have Said, by Jackie Hooper. It’s a collection of extraordinary letters expressing the joys, sorrows and surprises of ordinary life as people take the chance to say something important to loved ones who have passed away, friends they’ve fallen out of touch with, people who’ve had an impact on their lives in good and not-so-good ways.
Rather than writing a letter and not sending it, you can submit it for display on the blog. If you feel there’s a letter you need to write, I cannot encourage you enough to put pen to paper – or at least finger to keyboard. Cathartic doesn’t begin to describe the positive effect it will have on you and, in some way, the person you’re writing to.
I’ll share three examples of life-enhancing letter-writing that I have experienced.
1. A gratitude letter to my mother – which I typed up in the form of a scroll to present to her after reading it out loud when I went to visit her. It was one of the most emotional things I’ve ever done – I was in tears by the end of the first sentence. She kept her cool but told me later how thrilled she was at being given her “Certificate of Motherhood”.
2. An undelivered letter containing apologies, forgivenesses and significant emotional statements to a friend I’d drifted away from because of unresolved resentment. When I’d read the letter to an impartial witness, I was able to move on, let go of my resentment and resume the friendship on a healthier basis.
3. A farewell letter to a close friend who was dying of cancer. I was immensely grateful for the chance to say some important things I wasn’t able to say to her face because she didn’t want me to say goodbye. She died knowing how I felt about her and what a profound effect she’d had on my life.
Writing a letter like this shifts your relationship with the person you’re writing to whether they’re alive or dead. It’s such an important process. If there’s a letter you need to write, do it now, before it’s too late.
I’m so grateful to the talented Chris Guillebeau, who runs the website the Art of Non-Conformity, for alerting me to the book and blog. As he says: “If you love someone, you should tell them. Don’t wait. Always choose love and seek to live a life without regret.”
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