How to stop worrying and start living: a tribute to my friend Julia

For most of my adult life – and maybe even before that – I thought of myself as a worrier. Even during periods of my life when things were going smoothly, I used to become suspicious and find something – anything – to worry about.

But a couple of things eventually shifted that mindset. One was a quote by the spiritual teacher Ram Dass, who said, “Worrying is like praying for what you don’t want.” That really struck a nerve for me, and I thought, “Wow – every time I start worrying, I’m basically asking the universe for what I don’t want, and that’s pretty worrying in itself.”

The second thing that stopped me becoming a championship worrier was listening to my friend Julia Barnickle, who developed a life philosophy that could be summed up as “taking life as it comes”. She would often pose the question, “What if life were meant to be easy?”

So many of us seem to believe that life was meant to be difficult; that we were meant to suffer – but not Julia. She never believed that, despite the fact that at the age of 51 she was diagnosed with breast cancer.

Taking life – and death – as it comes

Over the years that followed she had many different procedures and treatments and overcame many obstacles. Sadly, despite her innate optimism, she passed away at the age of 64 on February 25^th. Rather poignantly, the news of her death was confirmed while I was marking the 64th birthday of another friend of mine who died of cancer when she was 51.

I’m so glad that I got to speak to Julia on Zoom with a couple of other friends two days before she passed away – although we’ve only just found out how soon after the call she died. Looking back, it did feel like a goodbye call without saying goodbye.

But we did get the opportunity to tell her how much she had inspired us with her philosophy of life and, even though she was clearly physically frail, her brilliant mind was still sharp.

She was keen to tell us that she was still open to exciting possibilities and wasn’t just going to accept the prognosis she’d been given. That was Julia all over. I’ve never known anyone (apart from my sister-in-law) who has had such a positive attitude to living with this dreadful illness.

In fact, she didn’t like talking about it. She didn’t want to be defined by cancer and as a result never was. What defined her, apart from her life philosophy, was her boundless creativity, which was (somewhat unusually) matched by a logical, organised mind.

Creatively fulfilled

We worked together on several projects – most notably a wonderful film that she made, which showed me revisiting my origins as a music journalist in Covent Garden. She was a multitalented polyglot, painter, photographer and singer who was also great at fixing tech problems and teaching you how to look natural on camera (that was one of her superpowers).

She came to the very first Story Wisdom retreat that I ran in Wales (she made a film about that too), and even though she struggled to understand why anyone would be interested in her story, she finally (thankfully) started writing a memoir.

I’m not sure if she finished it, but she did share a series of blogs telling the story of her early adventures in Europe and beyond (and you can still read those here).

What if life were meant to be easy?

I’ve spent the past couple of days revisiting these articles as well as her writing in the book of essays (What if Life were meant to be Easy?) that she published last year. I’m so glad that her philosophy of life has been captured in print so that others can continue to be inspired by her and the way that she lived her life. I think that would be a legacy she’d be happy with.

I don’t think she ever fully recognised or accepted how talented and brilliant she was – or how she was able to influence others in her gentle, introverted, unassuming way.

I hope she won’t mind me quoting from the intro of her book (which is still available on Amazon).

“An ‘easy’ life isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about being true to yourself – being ‘creative’ in the most comprehensive sense; honouring your soul’s desires and being brave enough to make changes in your life’s path when things aren’t working out. Not ‘when things aren’t working out according to plan’ but rather when things don’t feel right. Because my personal belief is that an ‘easy’ life doesn’t come with planning – it comes from allowing life to unfold.

“I had a minor meltdown at the age of 18, which led to me deciding that nothing in life is worth worrying about. This was a decision that changed my life, and I have been blessed with countless experiences of ease and flow throughout my life – even since being diagnosed with “terminal” metastatic breast cancer.”

Those quotation marks said it all. She just wasn’t having it.

So, Julia – I promise to take life as it comes. I promise to allow life to unfold. I promise to stop worrying and start living a completely creative life. Thank you for being you and allowing me to know you. Rest in peace and divine ease.