There’s a Facebook meme going around at the moment that invites people to share seven things their friends might not know about them. I don’t usually participate in these ’round robin’ events, but this one appealed to the storyteller in me. The ones I’ve read so far have given me fascinating insights into my friends’ lives, their adventures, experiences and escapades.
I love it when people give themselves permission to reveal stories from their lives.
One friend who has now shared 14 quite extraordinary things you might not know about him, said: “To me it has just been my life, which to be honest I thought I’d lived in quite a timid way. But when you delete all the finding receipts for accountants I guess it glams up a bit.”
Yes, we edit out the humdrum to make ourselves appear more interesting but it’s still our lived experience – as we choose to recall it, that is.
I had great fun putting together my seven things. I just went with what popped up in the moment, and most of them gave me an opportunity to insert some humour. Here goes:
1. At the age of 12 I was crowned May Queen of Eden Park – a tiny domain in Bromley, Kent. I had an all-female retinue including a prince, crown bearer and attendants. We paraded the local streets and danced round a maypole on Hayes Common. I was baffled when a local vicar banned us from his church, not realising we had been indulging in tree worship and taking part in an ancient fertility ritual. Oh my… *Proud to be a pagan*
2. When I sang backing vocals with a late Seventies power-pop group we were invited to play at the opening night of a music venue called The Venue, in Victoria. When we came on stage I saw two men at the front dressed as babies, complete with nappies and dummies. One of them tried to grab my ankle and the keyboard player – my bovver-boot-clad boyfriend – kicked him away. That baby was Richard Branson. The other infant was my erstwhile bedroom pin-up Mike Oldfield. *Teenage dream crushed, record deal out of the window*
3. When I was the editor’s secretary at a music paper called Sounds I once dressed up in a mini gymslip, stockings and suspenders and sat on John Peel‘s lap expressly to see how he would react. The legendary DJ was well known for his interest in schoolgirl attire, having once posed in uniform himself, St Trinian’s-style (Google it, the image is copyright). *Saucy knee-wobbler*
4. In our days as Rubber Goddesses, the late, great Gill Smith and I heard a rumour that we always chained ourselves together when we went out on the town. So we did exactly that and made quite an entrance at a gig in the Dominion Theatre. At the après-show party we were invited by Steve Harley of Cockney Rebel to join him for a threesome. (Who knows if he was joking, but it seemed to be a serious offer.) We declined, chains clanking with suppressed hilarity. *Come up and see me, make me smile? I don’t think so*
5. In the mid-Eighties we were also interviewed by Ben Elton – then a cheeky-chappie yoof presenter – for a Channel 4 documentary about the emerging London fetish scene. We instructed him on the exact steps to take when putting on a latex outfit and how we used Mr Sheen to polish each other. He was extremely attentive. Sadly the programme was never transmitted. *Banned by TV prudes*
6. I once went out on a bizarre date with Morrissey and Marc Almond. The latter I knew well; the former barely spoke to me because my best friend (who was also there) was also one of his best friends and he was worried about what she had told me about him. Pretty much everything, Moz. *Secret’s safe with me, Steven*
7. A few years ago I was commissioned to write an erotic pot-boiler called Confessions of a Lapdancer. The plot and characters were already in place and I was brought in to join the dots and fill in the gaps. It didn’t help that I found the protagonist completely unbelievable and the premise absurd. I soldiered on, lurching from one improbable sex scene to another until a bad back forced me to give up. The book had to be hastily completed by a team of writers. I could never bring myself to read it. *Fifty shades of never doing that again*
Why not give it go yourself? You don’t have to be a Facebook user. Post your list in my comments section!
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